The door to my hospital room opens. “Hi, Bela. How are you feeling?” the doctor asks. His eyebrows expressed concern.
I smiled. “My body still hurts, Paul. But, mentally I’m feeling good. Was my surgery successful?” My eyes scan Paul’s body to find any good signs. No signs.
“I really don’t know what to tell you Bela,” he said with a blank expression.
My happy demeanor and smile dropped. Suddenly, the room felt hot. My body felt heavy as if Earth’s gravity just multiplied. “What does that mean Paul?”
“Look, we tried our best.” He paused for a few seconds.
Our eyes securely on each other, he continued, “your vocal cord was thinner than most. It made the surgery a lot more complicated. It wasn’t successful. I’m so sorry.”
Time stopped.
I started shaking.
My body wouldn’t listen to me.
My senses stopped working.
My mind blanked. Despair filled me.
Time slipped away.
“Your surgery was not successful.” Paul's voice pulled me out of my trance.
“What, what does that mean for my cancer recovery?” My voice shook.
“Bela, it's going to be an uphill battle…
that most don’t survive.”
“Sis… oh, sis,” I mumbled on the hospital bed as I tasted the salty tears rolling down my face.
My sister’s eyes locked on mine. I could tell she was trying to hold it all in. But the redness in her eyes betrayed her facade. She grabbed my hands and pulled it next to her heart. My vision was blurry and my skin was burning as if I’m lying in a sauna. I couldn’t move without being hit with uncontrollable pain. Minutes of deafening silence followed.
“I love you.” I finally said. Words which usually just roll out of my mouth all of a sudden hold so much weight.
“Please, don’t say that right now, you’re not allowed to go just yet,” my sister’s voice quiet without conviction as her grip on my hand tightened.
“Bliss, it’s okay. Sometimes life has its way.” I said also trying to convince myself.
“Life’s way is giving you cancer? Life’s way is having a failed surgery?”
I didn’t know how to respond. I always believed if I smiled, luck would be by my side. I remembered all those mornings I would make my son repeat that to me. Now, smiling seems impossible. Things change so fast doesn’t it?
“Remember those days when we chased mom’s chickens in our backyard?” I mentioned whatever popped into my mind knowing these might be my last few moments with Bliss.
“Yeah. And you tried to hit them with the stick but the stick snapped in half before you even got it.”
“It’s because you kept on tapping the stick.” I countered.
A small smile finally appeared on my sister’s face. “Do you remember the day of your wedding?”
“Of course, how can I ever forget?”
“I was the one who left you that secret note.”
“That was you? That was YOU?”
“I love messing with you, you know that.”
“Come on, that was not nice, I was so confused. Remember when…”
* * *
I didn’t want to ruin the moment but I could feel my time running out. “Bliss, if I die, can you promise me two things?”
The unexpected change probably surprised my sister. The room went silent for a few seconds.
“What is it?”
“Please take care of my daughter.”
“What, no, you know I can’t. I’m single at 40 for a reason.”
“Bliss, you act like you like living alone, but the amount of love that you’ve shown to me and all of our siblings is like no one else. Bliss, please, I trust you.”
She hesitates before finally speaking again, “okay, what’s the next thing?”
“Help my son with the assets that I’m going to leave him. You’re the one I trust the most in the family. He’s too young and naive to fully understand what he’s doing. Please guide him.”
“Bela, you worry too much for a person who thinks they’re going to die.”
I grinned a little. “I’m sorry for bringing this up all of a sudden. We can continue where we left off.”
“Sure.”
“Remember when we forgot to book a hotel on our family trip in ‘03?”
“Hi, mom!” I shouted into the phone excited to finally receive a call from her. “How’s the hospital? Are you doing okay now?”
“Hi! I’m still feeling a little tired but I am trying my best to get better.” She replies with a bright smile brimming on her face.
The lack of clarity in her answer confused me but the smile convinced me she was doing okay. “That’s good to hear. I hope dad and auntie have been visiting you lately.”
“Oh, yes, auntie was here just a few days ago and dad was here this morning. How’s school going my amazing son?”
“Mom, come on, I’m not that amazing. But, I’ve been doing okay. Homework is nothing crazy. Apparently 9th grade is supposed to be when things are easy so I should be fine. I made some amazing friends.”
“That’s good to hear. I’m glad you’re having a good time at boarding school.”
“I’m sorry I’m far away from home at a time like this.”
“Huma, don’t feel bad. I’m so proud of you. I know this experience will only make you stronger.”
“Mom, you’re too kind.”
“Hey, what would you do if I was gone one day?”
“Mom, are you okay? Why are you asking me this all of a sudden?”
“I was just curious. Huma, you’re starting to live on your own now. I was just wondering if you need help with learning how to take care of yourself, money and all that stuff.”
“Well, I’m starting to get used to having to take care of myself. I miss home sometimes and having family around. But my friends are really supportive here.”
“I see. Huma, I will start teaching you little things about how to manage your budget and little life skills like that okay.”
“Okayyyyy mom. You make it sound like I’m dying over here. I think I’ll be fine.”
“I hope so too. You’ll do great. Be independent, I know you’ll like it. I have to go now. I love you.”
“Okay, take care mom. I’ll see you soon. I love you too.”
She hung up.